Title: pain in my haert
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Blog Entry: “Do you know what it is to yearn for the sunlight, to live a life of complete darkness for eternity? The moonlight is no substitute for the warmth of the true sun. This “dark gift” is no gift at all, my love. It is to murder daily in order to live. It is to be damned but unable to burn in hell. Is one beings necessity reason enough for countless slayings?” It was as if she didn’t hear his reasoning just that she wasn’t going to be with him like he had once said so often. “Then you don’t want me to join you?” the girl lowered her head, the snow colored hair falling over her burning eyes. Amadeo placed his hand under her chin and gently lifted her head. He looked deep into her eyes, a lovely shade of violet. They reminded him of his home, the one he had so long ago forgotten. He could only vaguely understand how that particular shade could bring up so many buried memories. His mortal life had been a long time ago, could he even count the years if he tried? A game he often played with himself that one, trying to remember his own age. Or even his birthday, for what was one day a year when you had an eternity to live in? Her pleading eyes stared into his own, asking for so much. Lilacs!- the thought jumped into his mind, the warm scent of the day. The scent of the sun lilacs were, her eyes were his new lilacs, his new sun. But would that beautiful scent have lasted if he took away their sun? Would his new replacement for his past survive should he do the same to her? Perhaps the iridescent glow of a vampire would make her more beautiful, if that was possible, or would it make her appear what she really would be-a monster. His Sangre, his beautiful sun, he really had but two choices: to watch her die in front of him within a few short years, years that would seem like days, or make her what he had become. “I live my life for you Amadeo, if it weren’t for you I would die.” She was trying so hard, her youthful heart felt it needed his so badly. Her love longed for his opportunity of a true forever. All she could see was them; together they would be soaring through the stars. She believed his protests meant this wasn’t what he wanted, that she wasn’t what he wanted. His eternity would be better lived if he didn’t have to share it with her. She wondered if his words really meant anything. Can someone really love you if they are willing to watch you die when they have the power to save you? “My dear, if it weren’t for me you would live.” A tear slid down his marble cheek, leaving a red stain in its path. “Sangre, to make you a vampire is to kill you.” He stopped an looked around at the darkened path that spread out before them. Two branches were at the end. Right or left Amadeo-which one leads to your atonement? He looked back at her and drew in a sharp breath of air. How to make her see? “I would trade all that I have, all these powers, for one mortal life. Don’t you understand that?” She placed her hand on his cold cheek, “You said you loved me.” She looked at her feet and pulled away from him, his tears of blood mocked her, showing her the endlessness of all that she could never gain on her own. “How old are you Sangre?” he wanted to pull her back, hold her close. Were these feelings of a vampire or those of a mortal’s shadow, those of a past that refuses to let go? Amadeo couldn’t remember anymore; what had once been so clear faded away with the sunlight of his mortal life. “Seventeen,” she turned and faced him, her chin held high, tears refusing to flow. “So much life ahead of you; you’ve hardly even begun to live. Is seventeen old enough to die?” Of course he longed to make her into a vampire, he loved her with all that he had. Perhaps that’s what made it so hard to take away her life, after all what good could come for the love of an evil heart? “Damn you Amadeo! Can’t you see that for the first time I would really be alive? None of this foolishness could keep me tied down. Would you be happier to see me buried deep in the ground within the next eighty years? Is that all the time you want to love me, will you then move on to another girl Amadeo? Tell me what I mean to you! Show me that you care!” Sangre clenched her fists and waited for his answer. “A few years Sangre, just wait and think, a few years to see if you don’t change your mind. You must make sure this is what you want, please,” he softly touched her arm,.“Sangre, once it’s done it can’t be taken back.” “And if I say no? If I say now or never? Think, Amadeo, I’m not invincible. I could die in the next few years, there are many dangers in this world aren’t there?” Tears slid down her face in tiny rivers. I need him, she thought, I need him more than anything. “Then,” Amadeo looked down and her bowed head, and silently took her hand, “then I know what I have to do and I will do it.” Sangre heard the despair in his musical voice, heard it ring in her ears like tiny little bells. She looked into his eyes and watched another tear glide down his cheek before she closed her own. There was such sadness in his eyes, like he knew he would never see her again. “And what is it you have to do?” He’s going to leave me, I’ve pushed him so hard. Finally it’s too far, he’ll leave me. He can’t! Oh I’m sorry, so sorry. I need him. The thoughts danced on and on through her swirling brain. Maybe this isn’t even what I want. She felt his icy arms wrap around her. A sharp pain made her eyes open quickly. A loud yelp escaped from her parted lips. I’m going to die, she thought. How ironic really though that she should be so surprised, isn’t death what she had asked so persistently for? As the blood pumped quickly from her body she felt he knees go weak, “Amadeo please...” He pulled away, her blood so red upon his white face, his pale lips covered with her life. She fell to her knees in front of him. “Isn’t this what you wanted my love?” He took a dagger from somewhere. Sangre was too disoriented to see from where, and cut his own wrist. He held his arm over her mouth and waited for her to drink from him. Sangre looked at the man before her, the one she had trusted with so many secrets. Trusted? Who would a vampire tell the secrets of a mortal to, who would care? The blood ran slowly onto her lips to begin with, teasing her with it’s metallic smell, begging her to taste it. Her small pink tongue darted out and lapped at the promise of forever upon her mouth. As she slowly began to drink his hot blood she thought of how everything would be different tomorrow. No more sunlight-was that the worst of her upcoming destiny? Night after night she would stalk mortals in dark alleys and murder them so she could continue to live. And would she really be living then? Again he was drinking from a cut in her neck and she found the pain was gone. Just the first few moments had hurt, maybe it was just the shock. Now all she had was the lust for his blood again. How she yearned for him to take his dagger out once more. And he wasn’t leaving her after all! He did love her. She was filled with a happiness that warmed him almost as much as his blood did. The happiness flowed thorough her veins became chilling. What future could two vampires really have? Perhaps they could hide away in a coffin, away from his beloved sun during the hot days. Or maybe they could dig a deep hole, big enough for two, she laughed deep in her throat. They could sleep together in a hole, hilarious really, she might just die from laughing too much if she kept this up. Vampires can’t have children. Little baby vampires, little baby fangs, always yearning for more blood, little crying vampire babies eating away at her vampire belly. Babies forever, oh this was too funny, the tears rolled down her face as she laughed and laughed. Why hadn’t she ever thought of these things before? She opened her eyes and watched as Amadeo took out the dagger and slit his wrist for her, “Wanna know something funny Amadeo? Sangre means blood.” Her laughter echoed through the park it took place in. She rolled over on her side and laughed harder than she’d ever laughed before. “Get up my dear.” Amadeo commanded. She sat up and looked at him, the blood, his vampire blood-hers now. Sangre bit her lip as she saw his blood drip onto the ground. “Give it to me,” she whispered. “I love you Amadeo,” she looked into his eyes again, so sad, was there a part of him that was happy? He brought his wrist to her waiting mouth. Splatters of blood rested in her hair-her hair that made her so different for everyone else already. “I love you too Sangre,” he knelt down, face full of sorrow and watched her hungrily slurp her new life from his evil blood. Blood for Sangre, blood for love.
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