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I called him. he didn't answer.
 
Something is wrong. I know it, I can feel it.
 
his light is on; it is bright, very bright. I opened the door.

I feel a cold draft coming at me.

It feels like 10 degrees. I see him zoning out. he has a smile on his face. I wonder why.
 
The window is wide open, there is snow on the ground. I saw terror in his eyes.
 
I start to smell blood. Maybe I could have smelt blood when I came in to his room but was too distracted on looking for him.

I see the cats liking his wrist. I wonder why. I see blood on the floor, in a puddle next to him.

Am I too late? Will he survive? Why did he do this? I can’t think.

I was disturbed by the way he laugh and laugh at the pain. Even though he is laughing, you could see the terror in his eyes.

Thoughts of suicide come to mind

As I sit here in silence a seat across from a friend

She does not know that her medication has not been misplaced

But is sitting in my work bag

Waiting for me to take them

Waiting for me to follow my plan of suicide

 

I cry alone in my heart

I cry in a place of silence away from everyone

Tired from a lack of sleep

My mind roaming all the time

I can't seem to get to sleep at night

 

My friendz talking to me and keeping me awake at night

They have there problems

I look into their eyes and tell them everything will be okay

But in my heart I have this bad thoughts

The thoughts of suicide

That will soon come true

 

What can I say to them

they know it is coming they dont not know when

they feel it in their heart

I am breaking them and I am sorry

But it is me that will make my fate come to me

 

My time is running short in a number of days I will be gone

No more of voice running through your ears

No more of my glistening tears running down my face

Time is running short and soon I will be gone

The lights go out.

I can feel the flesh crawling on my skin.

My fingers to my toes tingle.

My heart skips a beat.

 

I feel like I belong on the dark corner.

Where everyone kicks garbage and dirt.

There they can laugh.

Shivering, shaking, calling out for help.

 

No one can hear me.

I am all alone.

Everyone has left me.

Just me.

 

Backed away in fear,

Slipping, sliding, tearing up.

Snickering, and laughing,

still ringing in my ears.

 

Eyeliner and mascara,

sliding down my face.

My tear stained cheeks,

and cold trembling lips.

 

Trapped in a cage.

Locked in.

Struggling to find a way out.

Not finding a key.

 

I'm only loved by the ones that love me.

But even now they can't save me,

from this agony.

I feel alone.

 

I try to escape from the mindless laughter,

and the obnoxious bickers

 

To move away.

Not to light or to darkness.

Just up.

Up into the skies

as they watch me die...

I am done w/this done

Being no different & neither

Good nor bad just living ur

Way forgetting 2 think

Of me

 

u have taken my soul & bound

My spirit now dragging me in2 tha light

Which shows

Everything I do not wish 2 c everything

I kan nvr b

 

Give me sweet emptiness &

My night of black

Darkness as cover over every

Sinful thought of

Mine

 

I will b nothingness.

 

Just tha thought of u givez me tha power to get up every single morning.

Tha thought of u keepz me going every single day.

Tha thought of u makez me want 2 go 2 sleep just 2 wake up & c 2morrow.

Tha thought of u getz me 2 pour my soul into a piece of paper.

Tha thought of u keeps my life going.

Just thinking bout u is what I love 2 do

today is almost as grim as yesterday
i feel absolutely sick
i have the feeling of depression
sinking me and pounding me into the ground
it almost a blur
almost a constsnt darkness
almost
how can you push me to the edge
thump me on the forehead
causing me to collapse into this abyss
forcing me to lose control
wile your gaining something in return
feeling torn down
wore out
and beat up
and still i sit here
almost in a trance
looking past you in denial
i almost come flying bak
almost hav feelings of hope
almost
always almost
never sure of anything
just almost

You rawred at me
I look at you
you climb in bed
I held your hand
you smile at me
I kiss your hand
You fall asleep
the night has peaked
dare we speak?

Glance around
Don't make a sound
Laugh away
these crazy days
please don't frown
I don't want you down
Hold you tight
when your full of fright
never out of sight
you're my light

In the spring picnic for two
Watching the sky so blue
clouds pass bye
let us never die

See you walking
laughing and talking
didn't think it real
life can make things a wonderful meal
sometimes things seem so wrong
but that doesn't last long
just give me a hug
ill give your hand a tug
its cute when you pout
you put a plane in my coat
Made my day
please don't go away

Ill always be here
just take a peer
here in my hood
feeling pretty good
when your feeling dim
just find me
i hope i can make you grin

As I sit
I think of you
Feeling guilty
For loving you
Days of loneliness
Days of sorrow
Days of sadness
That led to heartache and pain
In which I think I may never again recover
Feeling ever so pitiful
I can’t help myself though
I just can’t seem to get over you
I utterly hate you
And yet I’m hopelessly infatuated with you
But I feel like darkness trapped in the dead of light
No where to hide
But in itself
A place where there is no admittance
Fear seems to feel like home
Love the enemy
Am I not worth it?
Worth you taking admiration of me
It hurts
The sight of you in the arms of another
Do you do it in spite?
Just make me hurt
Sometimes I think I might end my time here
But then
Back to reality I come
And back to darkness I return
It’s sick
How good I feel when I think of death
Just to rid myself of you
And it’s extremely gruesome
How I plan your demise
If only you knew
My wicked mind is even too much for me at times
But the just of it is. . .
It is you
The one that broke me
And it will be you
To know how it feels
To be stuck here
Inside my world
With no ???ing way out
Wanting to be somewhere else
But not being able to move
Wanting to feel just the smallest amount of happiness
And only feeling unwanted
Wanting to be the only one
And feeling like the only one left out
And in the end
It will be me that saves your sou

i find it hard at times

to stop thinking of you

something so simple

and yet i can not quit

there r times

when i can not stop

and times when i cant stand to

others tell me i dont need you

i dont think i can b without

i dont want to be without

without you that is

slowl sinking into depression

my smiles turn to frownz

that no one can break

except you

but im starting to think

that i been here all along

on this hook you got me on

i cant escape

i cant breathe

i think ill die here

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